Writings on ZachIR's Human Den

All Lines of Ben Kenobi's ANH Dialog That George Lucas Retconned

Sat, 01 Aug 2026 09:54:55 -0500

Title says it all. When Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back was released, it retroactively turned Ben Kenobi into an unreliable source by revealing that actually, Anakin Skywalker wasn’t killed by Darth Vader, but rather that Darth Vader was Anakin Skywalker. Kenobi would attempt to justify not telling Luke Skylwalker this information by telling him that it was true, from a certain point of view, in that Anakin Skywalker ceased to be the same man when he became Darth Vader.

[SATIRE] RIAA Announces Lawsuit Against Apple

Fri, 01 Mar 2024 06:55:27 -0600

In the early hours of February 27th, 2024, the Recording Industry Association of America (the RIAA) announced a lawsuit against tech industry giant Apple, over claims that Apple’s iPod was used by pirates to listen to pirated music.

“The latest Nintendo lawsuit inspired us,” an associate Gibme Mornow responded when asked for comment. “If we can sue the people who make a product pirates use, I think it will be a major step towards ending piracy once and for all.”

I'm Writing Another Thing

Wed, 27 Oct 2021 23:50:00 -0500

So, I was writing to mess around with Groff typesetting, and I ended up with a potential story idea, that I find really amusing. It is much more comedic than The Festival of Red, I liken it more to Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, which I dearly love. Of course, I’m nowhere near as good as that writer, but I like how it started off. I’ve copied the first bit below.

\[SATIRE\] Announcing Google Zero

Fri, 10 Sep 2021 21:56:49 -0500

[SATIRE] Announcing Google Zero

A Private Messenger Based on Signal

Google announced that, among the dozens (citation pending) of chat apps Google plans to unveil by Q4 2022, there will also be a privacy-friendly option named Google Zero, forked from the Signal source code.

“We understand that Signal has hurt many of its users with the underhandedness of implementing their own cryptocurrency and forcing it on users”, Google CEO Sundar Pichai told news outlets. “And Signal hurt us, too. We value everyone’s privacy, and so we are confident our new Google Zero platform will be a big hit among the cool cats out there.”

\[SATIRE\] Firefox Adds "Ok Google" Support

Mon, 06 Sep 2021 00:00:00 -0500

Firefox Adds “Ok Google” Support [SATIRE]

Mozilla CEO Mitchell Baker announced over the weekend, that Firefox 93 will be shipping with a new feature: “Ok Google”.

“I just want people to know that we aren’t doing this because Google is paying us,” Baker replied when asked for comment. “We truly believe privacy is a fundamental right for people who agree with us, and so we want people to know that Ok Google will be opt-out if you dig around in the about:config page.”