In the early hours of February 27th, 2024, the Recording Industry Association of America (the RIAA) announced a lawsuit against tech industry giant Apple, over claims that Apple’s iPod was used by pirates to listen to pirated music.

“The latest Nintendo lawsuit inspired us,” an associate Gibme Mornow responded when asked for comment. “If we can sue the people who make a product pirates use, I think it will be a major step towards ending piracy once and for all.”

The RIAA also points to condemning adverts from Apple, Inc, including “Rip. Mix. Burn.” in which Apple encourages people to do whatever they want to with media they paid for.

“Piracy can take many forms. It’s critical to the safety and well-being of our position in the music industry that customers can only listen to our media how and when we want them to. Imagine the chaos that could happen if people could preserve music that was taken down off of streaming services! People might be able to keep listening to music they once loved, instead of always just buying the new product I mean music [sic]! It would be chaos!”

A representative from Apple responded, “Do you mean the iPod we killed in 2022? We’re way ahead of you, taking things away from our customers is our bread and butter.”